If Muslims Ruled The Hill Country

It strikes me a little unusual that so many left wing radicals exist in all political parties today. There’s a lot of talk about the New World Order, the Bilderberg Group, the Illuminati, the Trilateral Commission, and other similar groups formed with the soul purpose of becoming the controlling force in the ruling the world. Now mixed in with the rumblings of all the political uproar for the coming elections is the notion that Muslims will soon take over and control America. There is a reason why this presidential election has become the most volatile I’ve ever witnessed and why so many extremists from both parties are making big waves which will have a huge impact on it’s outcome this year. It’s because so many of us have became capable of creating good internet content that can’t be backed up by any actual evidence. Radicals from both sides are publishing Youtube videos and blogging about some of the most off-the-wall theories in the history of civilization wiwth absolutely nothing to back them up.

While it would be hard to find anyone who actually believes that Muslims will one day rule America, this subject matter would certainly be Academy Award material for George Lucas or either of the 2 Steves (King or Spielberg). Last night while driving home from the “center of the universe” in the Texas Hill Country, (Walmart) I started fantasizing about how radically different my shopping experience would have been if Muslims controlled America.

For starters I wouldn’t be hearing the gentle clinking sound of the 2 wine bottles in my floor board because they would be illegal. Forget about the 30 pack of Keystone in the trunk because it would be illegal too. It would have effected Walmart several days earlier because they’d have to scurry to find something to fill a complete isle (both sides) with something else.

Then there was that 30# bag of dog food I couldn’t have bought because that would be 3 1/2 isles of product that would also be missing. But on the other hand I wouldn’t really need it because the “dog militia” would have already searched out all dogs and put them to death.

Oh and I wouldn’t have that box of sausage and pancakes on a stick, that package of bacon, or the ham and cheese croissants. I also wouldn’t have those individual serving pouches of Spam and a couple of cans of Potted Meat and Vienna Sausages because all these are illegal under Islam.

The beef I just bought would have cost 5 times what I just paid for it because the humane (and proficient) methods we’ve developed for slaughter would be outlawed. Under the Islam law of Halal, all our beef packing facilities would be shutdown unless their slaughtering stalls already happened to be facing Mecca. Also all animals including those thousand pound bulls can only be slaughtered by sliting their throat (while they face Mecca) with a very sharp knife while saying the words “in the name of Allah” and the animal must have been positioned so that all the blood from it’s body drains through the slit.

This morning when I stopped in for my McGriddle I realized that it along with 95% of McDonalds Breakfast menu would not be there. No more sausage egg and cheese biscuits, no more Canadian Bacon Bagels, and we would no longer be able to look forward to those “once a year” comebacks of the McRib. The menus at IHop, Denny’s and Sonic Drive In, to name a few would be impacted as well.

Moving away from the immediate effect on our personal lives, consider how Muslim rule would effect the economy of the State of Texas. For starters- all our wineries, breweries, microbreweries, and distilleries would disappear and anyone caught making any type of alcoholic beverage would likely loose their right hand.

The swine industry in The Hill Country would turn into a huge problem. Pig Farmers would have no use for their stock and many would just be turned loose to live off the land. They would breed with the already out of control feral pig population and would increase their presence 10 times over in the first year. The consequences of this is that farmers already struggling with their crops during an extended drought would be completely rooted out by the explosive growth of feral pigs.

The Jimmy Dean Sausage Plant in Plainview and the Owens Sausage Plant in Richardson would close because their product would be illegal. Several feed mills in Texas would have to lay of workers because they could no longer produce dog or pig food.

Although God as we know him would not return to public schools, praying in school would not only be legal but mandatory. A Qibla would be added to every school room and students would be required to face in the direction that the Qibla pointgs to and recite Islamic prayers.

OK so here’s the real quirky part of this “fictional Hill Country under Islamic rule” scenario. Women don’t have the same rights as men. Under Islamic law women can serve on a jury but their opinion only counts as half what a mans does. For example on a 7 woman 5 man jury if you had 7 women declare you’re innocent and 5 men declare you’re guilty, you would be found guilty. It’s the same in elections. Women can vote but their vote only counts as half. We would have to rapidly implement a sliding scale method to count the votes in elections.

Again- Nothing above should be considered fact, just suggestions for a movie or maybe a TV series. Far less interesting subject matter than this have been huge hits at the box office.

 

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